So tired of being the one who's always sitting alone crying and feeling guilty. I've had to say that so many times it's pathetic. I feel so whiny but at the same time I know the pain I'm in, I know what I'm feeling. The people who said they'd be there to help hold me together, or at least put me back together after I fall apart, have only been contributing to the breakdowns. It seems to be that everyone is falling apart right now, and so many come to me with their worries and troubles. Normally that would be no problem and I love being the one people come to, but it's so hard to help other people when I'm pulling myself apart. The one thing I had for relief has been taken away and I feel so lost without it. I'm trying so hard to work hard and impress the managers at work. To be there for Eden and be a good mom, but I always feel like I'm failing her(and your words always seem to make it worse). Every part of my life seems so wrong and messed up. Urges and stupid actions and thoughts rule my brain, all I think about is things I can't do. Everything that I used to do to help me, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO ANYMORE. There it is I have no control over my own life and it seems to be in the hands of someone who doesn't have anymore control of their life, and knows less about what they're doing than I do.